The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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