Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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