So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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