i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
