So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
