it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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