I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
