The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
