this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
