i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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