did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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