# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
