Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
