Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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