My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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