Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
