I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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