I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
