btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Say something about gay babies.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
