it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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