I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
