Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
