I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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