it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
