I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
