There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Panties = found
Randomize
