one two three fourrrrnication!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
