That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
