oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
