do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
where are my eyebrows?
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