Your face is a jimmy john
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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