I am puke
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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