and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
