Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
