In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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