I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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