I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
