yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
