If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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