I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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