I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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