It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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