my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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