her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
