Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
