This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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