Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
