I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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