3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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