Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
