I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
