i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
